The Life of the Mediator
by TokiDoki
Summary: A person who seems normal (me), signs up for the peer mediator program to help solve conflicts. But what happens when one of her assignments include a cheese-throwing catgirl, a hole-drilling scientist, a weird boy-crazy sister dancing, a sock and a tidal


The Life of the Mediator  
  
  
  
The intercom beeped on. "Ms. Montague, I repeat, Ms. Montague, Please report to the main office!" The muffled voice of the principal announced. I coughed at the sound of my name. My entire Math class turned their hands to stare at me. I sighed. "You may go Ms. Montague." My teacher giggled. The poncy git. I sighed. I turned to the boy who sat next to me. "Andrew, can you carry my stuff to the next class?" I asked in a bored voice. I reached into my book bag and got out my Notebook and a pen. As I made my way around the desks to get to the entrance, my friend Sara grabbed my shoulder. "Mediator?" She asked. I nodded. "They need me!" I said in a sarcastic voice. Sara chuckled. As soon as I reported to the main office, I went into the Mediator Room, and sat with the other mediators. Now, let me explain this who situation. I, Berry Montague, am a mediator. A mediator is a person who helps work out problems! Now, I only took this job because it would add points to my average on my report card. Also, I figure, people are messed up, and why not try to fix that? I hate people, and I'd never dream of helping them, but.they're always mean. Back to the story. The other mediators, Jessica, Nicole, Barbara, Joshua and Cindy welcomed me. I forced a smile, and sat down next to Cindy and Joshua, two people from my class. "Montague, get in here. Rom, you, too!" The perky voice of Mrs. Langer, the 7th grade dean ordered. I stood up, along with Cindy, and we marched down the halls and into a vacant classroom. Mrs. Langer shoved us inside, handed me a walkie-talkie and a paper, and locked the door. I gasped. No. It.it couldn't be! Sitting in a desk on one side of the room, was a girl I knew. She had shoulder-length brown hair, and brown eyes. And cat-ears, and a cat-tail. She flashed me a cat- like smile. "Catgirl?" I asked, almost choking on my tongue. Cindy raised her eyebrows. Then she frowned and said in a matter-of factly manner, "You know this cat.girl?". I nodded. "Well, I could contact Ms. Langer and tell her that you know her, and you will be excluded from this session! You might take her side!" She announced, reaching for the walkie-talkie in my hands. I held it up far above her reach. "No!" I yelled, backing away. With ninja-like precision, I poked Cindy on her head and she fell to the ground, out cold, like a lump of meat in the microwave. A familiar voice from the other side of the room spoke up. "You just killed." I heard the voice pause, and I supposed that the speaker was looking at Cindy's nametag. "You just killed Cindy!" The voice finished. I spun around, only to find Corenna Maxwell, a very queer person, with blonde hair, sitting in a desk on the other side of the room. "I didn't kill her!" I argued. Then something smelly hit the back of my head. I turned around. "Caaat-giirrl!" I moaned, rubbing the back of my head. I realized that she threw cheese at me. "I did not!" She said, in an insulted way. "Didn't what?" I asked, annoyed. "Why are you here?" I asked sitting down on the floor. "We're bored. Ofcourse." Corenna replied, producing a coffee cup from underneath the desk. I heard a ruffling from the closets. I slid open the door. Lindsay and Elle toppled out, and Lindsay moaned. "Well, you found us." She said, sitting up. All of a sudden, I heard the window crash and I spun around, now, for the hundredth time in this story, and gasped. Joey, The friggen Sock, Alex and Devon were laying on the floor. My eyes widened. "GUYS! If one of the teachers come, I'll be TOAST!" I cried, frantically seating Cindy's sleeping body in a chair. Her head dropped to one side. Her normally neatly braided blonde hair was all messy and her glasses slipped down her nose. "I think that these guys are the least of your problems." Lindsay announced, directing attention to the window. I realized she was right, because a large tidal wave was coming my way. I watched it demolish the very strong buildings in my town that were about 34 times stronger than my school was. I trembled. "But the water is supposed to be kept behind a very strong dam!" I said, turning to Catgirl. She grinned, and pointed to Corenna. "What." I slipped over to her desk in a very elusive manner. "Did." I banged my hands on the desk. "You do?!" I asked angrily. She held a drill behind her back. "Nuffin'"She replied. "Then what's this?!" I asked, grabbing the drill. "A hand." She replied, blankly. I realized she was not joking. "What's IN the hand?" I asked, rolling my eyes. "The drill I used to make a big whole in the dam." Corenna replied, biting her fingernail. She pointed to Catgirl. "Well, she told me that they hid jello behind it!" She shouted. "Just to keep you away from the cheese! You always do these crazy experiments and stuff on them! You turned little SpongeCheeseBob all green." Catgirl replied. "I told you, I am a scientist! I am doing 'periments on everything!"Corenna replied. "Yeah, well, if you're so smart, then how can you explain birds?!" Catgirl asked, making a bird like gesture with her right hand. "I told you already! Bird is magical!" Corenna replied, folding her arms. I leaned on the window ledge. "Well, my entire school is about to be submerged and we are all going got die in about 3 minutes." I stated, yawning. I marveled the tidal wave. It was shiny. I snapped my fingers, and soon, I was in my normal attire. A fancy, long, black gown with spiky boots. My hair was up in pigtails, and my face was paler than usual, my eyes greener than usual, and my lips were the colour of rouge! I sighed heavily. "Someone dare to help me?" I asked. Catgirl raised her hand and hopped over to the window. Lindsay jumped up on a desk. "I LOVE YOU, PRETTY BABY!" Her voice screeched. She did a couple of dances. And while Catgirl and I climbed out the window, the rest of the room was treated to an exclusive show performed my the lovely sister of mine, Lindsay Montague! Catgirl and I hovered above the ground. "Neat- oo!" I sang, spinning around. I giggled and did a cartwheel. Catgirl made a disturbing moo-ing noise and I stopped. "Okay, I get the point." I said, testily. The tidal wave towered above us. We grabbed out straws, and began to sip it up. It was all gone and we saved my school. We celebrated by managing to climb through the window, zooming past Lindsay and her scary nude scenes from The Silmarillion: The Musical, and running to the bathroom. I wrote up some fake notes on how the whole mediation session thing went. Cindy opened her eyes. "Cindy!" I exclaimed. "What." She began to ask. I interuppted her. "You fell asleep in the middle of Stacey and.Corenna's story. I just said you had a disease that made you fall asleep." I lied. She stood up. "The window is all broken!" She gasped. "Ms. Langer is gonna kill you!" She said, beginning to open the door. I followed her, and looked back to look at the window. Lindsay peeked her head up as she hungr from the window and waved. Then she shrieked, disappeared and I heard a loud thump. The day was saved, no thanks to Lindsay being all nude! The End! 


End file.
